About a month ago my life imploded! A little dramatic maybe, but that’s how it felt. Things were going smoothly and relatively peacefully. It seems that God allows us to have those moments before it’s time for another growth spurt.
About a year ago we decided to put our house on the market. Three months later we had fixed anything that needed fixing, listed it, sold it and signed a one year lease on a rental house. Four months later my husband got a job in Tremonton (the area we were initially wanting to move to). He was given a company car for the commute and a year to relocate to that vicinity. All of the sudden, about a month ago I started feeling a real urgency to look for our next move. To be honest, I wanted to just bury my head in the sand and wait until the end of our lease to start looking. I did follow the prompting though and after some time looking, a lot of stressful feelings, and a little discouragement at not finding the place that felt right, the perfect option appeared out of nowhere! We found a builder willing to carry the loan on a newly built house and we put an offer in on the lot. This decision is extremely exciting and equally as stressful. There is a lot of second guessing yourself and hoping you are making the right decision. There is also a lot of waiting on other people and hoping they are doing their jobs efficiently without anyway to verify.
About this same time I was struggling to make some weighty decisions with my business. I have been selling in some consignment stores for about 5 years now. It has been hard to watch the “mom and pop” stores decline in business as internet sales have increased. This was really effecting my sales (both declining at my booths and increasing online). It felt like the right time to pull out of the stores, but at the same time even though they were not consistently producing, they were kind of my safety net as some months they did do well. It took a lot of faith to send my 30 day notices to these stores and hope that investing the same money in online marketing would produce needed results. I have spent the last month going back and forth on this decision and feeling very torn.
Finally, about a month ago I was feeling a need to start pursuing my dream of publishing a book I had started and then put on the backburner. I brushed this feeling off and then was contacted three days later by a woman who was offering a course in writing, speaking, and creating a media presence. I have wanted to do each of these things and my business has partially nudged me into these fields, but of course fear and excuses have held be back from really pursuing them. This invitation resonated right to my core and after some intense consideration and prayer, I decided to invest in my dream. Along with the investment of money came a very real investment of time… time for video conferences, assignments, collaborations and a whole lot of pondering!
With all these decisions and thoughts and worries heaped on my shoulders I have found myself walking around with my head drooping and wondering how I am going to do everything that is required of me. How will I handle the waiting? How will I make the right decisions? How will I manage my time well enough to balance my load? Even though these opportunities are so exciting, they also feel so big and overwhelming! I was sitting in a church meeting when I heard a phrase that really hit home. “It is better to look up.”
I don’t think it was until that moment that I realized I had been looking down and worrying about how I would handle everything on my plate. I had forgotten that I am NEVER alone, I never have to handle everything by myself. Of course! When we partner with God, when we allow Him to help carry our load, and validate our decisions, and direct our path the way does not seem so scary or so hard. And even though I had consulted Him at each of these crossroads, it is easy to slip back into that aloneness of independence on a daily basis. It must be a daily decision, this looking up, sometimes an hourly one. There will still be times of concern and doubt, but when these come we can use them as a sort of alarm, if you will, to remind us to conscientiously and intentionally look up!
26 Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things, that bringeth out their host by number: he calleth them all by names by the greatness of his might, for that he is strong in power; not one faileth.
1 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
2 My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
3 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
4 Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord is thy keeper: the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.
6 The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
8 The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.
I Will Look Up
It is Better to Look Up